I wrote the post below in November 2013, when I was a Mum of one, Elsie, and she was only four months old. I never published it – or at least I never shared it to the ‘blogosphere’ for all to see. I know why. Because I thought people would judge me and think I was weird.
Three years later, it’s not that I don’t care if people judge me or think I am weird. I do. I just care a little less. I think having had another baby since then has definitely made me less worried about over-sharing elements of my life. Not sure that’s a good thing, but it’s definitely cathartic for me. Possibly incredibly boring and cringeworthy for everyone else in my life or those that are subject to following me on social media!
When I read it back – three years later – unsurprisingly, I didn’t cringe. I just felt quite sad. Sad that I didn’t have the guts to share it, because I do think other friends or Mums I know might have benefited from reading it. At the time though, I thought it was only me that felt the way I did, yet now three years on – I would say so many of my friends with children are happy to wave the white flag and say ‘THIS IS A BIT SHIT’.
So here it is. My first ever blog post, three years in the making….
And so I became a Mummy. Mum. Mom. Mamma. Mumbo. However you dress it up – I was now responsible for a tiny helpless human being. And I was on duty – 24/7. Physically and mentally.
I guess I would like to brain dump everything that has run through my mind whilst I was pregnant and since I had Elsie, all the thoughts – both sane and absolutely insane – just to, in the name of social media and the world of online, SHARE. Or, maybe just to release some of the thoughts that have constantly run through my brain since I found out I was expecting Elsie, and give respite/amusement to any expectant Mummies-to-be or new Mummy’s out there.
It’ll be a bit haphazard (my brain does not work chronologically anymore but in short sharp bursts of thoughts) but it’ll be down here, in writing. For all the world to see. You poor sods.
So my first post is about ADVICE.
There was so much of the bloody stuff being thrown at me as soon as I found out I was pregnant – online, friends, family, books, leaflets, doctors, christ it was pouring in from every avenue possible. And this is where I try to make it simple – literally – just a taster of what I would have liked to have heard or chosen to listen to when I found out I was pregnant, and thereafter.
It’s OK to…
Miss your old life. Mourn your old life. Look at photos of your old life and cry.
Feel lonely. Sometimes I cry when I am out walking Elsie because I feel lonely. It’s OK.
Drink sauvignon blanc in the day. In the pub. Alone (with Elsie) to stave off bedtime.
Drink sauvignon blanc in the day. In the pub. Alone (with Elsie) to stave off bedtime. Whilst simultaneously breastfeeding.
Not enjoy baby classes. You didn’t before. Why should you now?
Shout at your baby “What the f*&k do you want from me?”
Shout at your baby “What the f*&k do you want from me?” then cry because you feel like a bad Mother. Then laugh because you are crying. Then cry because you are laughing and you think you are mad.
Eat your baby’s bogies.
Feel scared. Of yourself. Of your baby.
Wear maternity clothes when you are not pregnant.
Taste your own breastmilk. For those of you that don’t, you want to. You do really. Or you will. You just won’t tell anyone. But we all know you will. Eventually. Just a little bit 😉
Use Lansinoh as eye cream.
Feel bored. You might not. But if you do feel bored – it’s OK.
And the funny thing is… after a long long day with 5 hours of broken sleep, feeling like a broken woman, I will still – nearly every night – lie in bed on my phone and scroll through all the photos of my baby girl. Because despite it being the hardest job I’ve ever not interviewed for, this ‘Mum’ lark can be all right. In fact I would not have it any other way. She is my absolute world. My bestest girl. My little lady dynamite.